The Christmas Spirit

The thing about the Christmas spirit with me is that I can’t remember ever having one.

It has just never been a part of my experience.

I despise the decorations, I absolutely hate the music, I feel guilty (but embarrassingly pleased) about the amount of gifts I receive, I don’t like that my family is all together, and I abhor the traditions.

Sure, living in Sweden might not have helped, what with the state of how secular our society is, and the fact that I have never believed in a higher power.

The thing is though that my family is so dysfunctional it hurts, and none of them want to admit it. I differ so much from them it’s starting to tear me down. They all seem to have shorter attention span than ten seconds and they all loathe to let people speak until they’re finished.

It doesn’t matter when or where I meet them; they still act as if I don’t have any feelings and they talk about the wrong things all the time. They choose to talk about my mental illnesses at the worst time ever, they joke about my insecurities all the time, and they give me advice on how I’m supposed to take care of myself.

Excuse me, I am the one who sought help, no thanks to any of you.

I just want to move away and never have to meet them again. Fucking idiots.

Over and out.

Set pains therein and many a grievous thing,
And many sorrows after each his wise

– Algernon C. Swinburne

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About thezonesystems

Former miserable, confused teenager - now sad and confused trans adult(ish)
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